Well, I have learned a great many lessons over my life time, but one in particular stands out in my mind, and I thought it might be worth telling here.
Paul was in a very active Boy Scout Troup when we lived in Pico Rivera. In fact most of the young men in that troup earned their Eagle Award, Paul being one of that number. This was in the days when Fund Raising was not as limited as it seems to be today. The Troup took some pretty impressive camping trips and the funds to permit such trips was earned by the Troup selling eggs. Each Scout had to get out and get a route to which he would deliver eggs regularly. I was working at the time so Pauls' started out with the people in the office I was employed at. Then he got out and canvased the neighborhood, and had a pretty lucritive route which paid very handily for his trips each year.
Paul, at this time, had a very bad habit. He did not bite his nails, he picked them. He also pulled out all his eyebrows and eyelashes. Nervous tick, but it certainly did not inhance his features. We, as his parents had tried just about everything we could think ,to break these habits, but now that I look back on it, probably only made the situation worse. Sooooo, I told him if he did not stop doing this, he could not go on the Scout Trip, but would have to forfit his money to another Scout who had not been able to earn as much. Naturally I thought it would help brake him, as he always loved going on these trips. However, the habits were so well entrenched he
was not able to stop. As parents, we felt we could not back down, or the lesson would not be beneficial. As the time went by, it was obvious Paul was not going to be able to go on the trip. This was very hurtfull, to which we added the requirement that he help another scout who did not have funds, but also was not going to qualify with the necessary Merit Badges for the trip.
One young Scout needed to pass the Morris Code Badge, and Paul spent hours with him helping him so that he could qualify.
The Troup went on the trip, and Paul stayed home. As parents, we felt bad about it, but felt Paul needed to know we were serious. Years later, there is not one single idea in my head that has not told me over and over that Paul got the message. He really wanted to stop, but it had taken a long time to get caught up in those habits, and it would take just about as much time to break them. (Oh, by the way, he did stop.)
Now, the young Scout who went on that trip, has been forever greatful to Paul for the trip. He was thankful to have the help Paul rendered so he could earn that Merit Badge. In fact I believe in many ways that Scout learned what sacrafice really means from that experience. Not that makes up for anything in the end.
The moral of this whole thing is: "DON'T TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM SOMEONE YOU CAN NEVER GIVE BACK". Years have passed and it has weighed heavily on my mind at times. There is nothing that I can now do to make up for what has been forever lost. Sooooo, what is it that can be done?
I learned it; one day when I went to Paul and talked to him about this time. I told him how sorry I was that we had been so strict, that I wanted him to know how very sorry I was that he had to for go that trip. When I finished my repenting spirit, he thanked me for telling him how I felt about it. It ment a lot to him. I didn't give him anything back, but I did let him know that Parents too can suffer when a wrong is done. It was not intended to hurt him, it was a very poor way of trying to make a change.
Now, as you know I have told before how I quit biting my nails. You would have thought my own experience would have taught me enough to know that it is only when someone one really wants to break a bad habit that they are able to do it, and though Paul wanted to, he needed the time to do that, and the time was just not within the limits that had been set. I guess that is something we need to learn, that repentance and breaking habits both take "time". None of us have enough of it really. That being said, it still will never change the fact that is, either knowingly, or unknowingly, we took something from a very worthy Son, something that we can never give him again. He grew from the experience, I guess I have as well, but you know; it doesn't make me feel any better about it. It isn't as if he didn't go on any number of such trips, or that he didn't earn the required funds, or Merit Badges. It was the one that "got away" that will always stand out in his and my mind. I will, however, be eternally greatful I didn't make that mistake on something that was a "one time" thing.
Written this 4th day of May, 2010
by: Eileen Rosenberg
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