Mom and Jay

I just thought about this early this morning. The first time Jay came to the house, I hope I haven't told this before? Oh well! what the heck, it is worth going over again if I have. Jay came to pick me up for that first date. We went to a house party, I know I told you about that, and when we got home, there was my Mother waiting up for me. That is something she never did before. When I got in the house she greeted me with: "when is my son-in-law coming again? I
wasn't all that excited about her enthusiasum about Jay that night. However she turned out to be pretty insightful, now that I think back on it.
There relationship started that night. I don't know that Jay knew it, but he certainly grew into it before too much time elapsed. There just seemed to be a bond between them. He loved her more than his own Mother I do believe. Well, I think both of my parents earned a special place in his heart. Jay and my Dad particular had a great deal in common. They both were machinists, and of course my Dad had always wanted to be in the Navy. He credited me with giving him his Navy Son. Of course Ron had been in the Marine Corps. which, pardon the expression is part of the Navy. (don't tell your Dad I said that however). Somehow that did not count. You remember I told you that My Dad tried to enlist in the First World War, but he was too thin. He was trying to get into the US Navy at the time.
It seemed as if Jay fit into the family just as much as my two brothers did. It was my parents who were always there to support us when something came up that we wanted to do. It wasn't that Jays Dad wouldn't have done all he could, but after the divorce, he didn't have that much to do with. Jays Mother was never really part of the family after the divorce. But then that is a whole other story, and one that I will more than likely never share with you here on the Blog.
I don't know that it is worth the family taking note of.
After the accident when My Dad was killed and Mother hurt so badly, the connection between Jay and her seemed to deepen. She turned more to Jay than either of the other boys. Ralph was too far away, and Ronald never was one to hang around much. If he was needed, he was as close as the phone, but I believe Mom would rather call Jay for the things she needed than she would Ron. Emergency things, she called Ron. If it was something that could wait, she would have Jay do it when he came over, which was on a regular basis.
It was Jay who would let me leave him home and take Mom on vacations. We went to the theatre together and to Know Your Religion and other Church things. When her home was taken by the City of Huntington Park, well the whole block she lived on was taken by public
domain. Legal theft I call it, anyway it was when the time came to find a place for her, Jay and I took on the job, moving her closer to us. I think it was a good thing, but it did not last long.
It was Jay and I who went in and helped sort through the things that she would keep from the home she had lived in for 40 plus years. I set one whole day and sorted pictures by the score. We put who they were on the back and those she did not remember, we tossed out. I made up about three frames full of family pictures for her that we hung on the wall of her new Apartment.
That was so she could have all her brothers and sisters around her as well as kids and grand kids. It was a huge project. All the grand kids were invited to come and take what furniture
they wanted, or other things that she would not have room for. Surprisingly enough there was a great deal left that we had to store until we could make sure she didn't have someone who wanted something after all.
I guess the sum and substance of this tale is Mom and Jay had a special relationship. She loved him, and he loved her. I think he would have done just about anything to make her happy. It was me who refused to let her move in with us, we did have room, but I had seen what such arrangements had done to Jays Aunt Jo. She moved in with Trix, and it wasn't very long until Jo would not, or could not do a thing for herself. She just sat and was waited on. I had learned on the vacations with Mom that it was easy for her to slip into that kind of a mind set. It was not that I didn't want to do for her, it was I did not want her to lose her ability to do for herself. To me that would have been the worse thing I or anyone else, for that matter, could or should do for her. She was pretty bitter about it, but once she got into her Apartment at the Senior Center, she realized she was better off. She had people around her all the time that needed her companionship. She was close to Church and she was able to do so much more. She only lived a year after she moved into the Center. I believe it was a good year for her. She worked at the Los Angeles Temple one day a week, which she enjoyed so much. She had been there for 10 years. She served on Tuesday, read to the blind in the Center where she lived on Wednesday, called for Bingo and gave a knitting lesson to a friend on Thursday evening and had her stroke early Friday Morning. That night she had a series of strokes that caused her passing. Hard as it was, we all felt it was a blessing she could slip away so quickly. She had never wanted to lay like her mother and sister-in-law did. While Ron and I were waiting outside her hospital room after she had passed away, I looked over Rons shoulder and gasped - he turned to see what had caused me to be so startled. Mom had passed away in room 719 of the Anaheim Hospital on Euclid Street. Our Dad had died in the automobile accident in 1955 on July 19th. Rather startling to me even today. Mother died on 11th of August 1984, 29 years after that accident. Her birthday was on 11 February, 1901. She was 83 years 6 months of age.
Another sweet memory is: Dad had taken Mom to Hawaii in the 1970's and she had always wanted to go back. I called Ron around Christmas time and asked if he thought we should take Mom to Hawaii while she was still able to travel and enjoy things. He thought it was a great idea, but he couldn't get away. I offered to take her, and Jay thought it was a good idea as well, because my birthday is just 4 days before hers. I took her to the Travel Agent after Christmas and we talked about making the trip. As usual she was always so afraid to spend any money on herself. After figuring out what it would cost and nearly driving the poor Travel Agent nuts, I told her to book the trip. Ron had told me to do it, and he was the one responsible to handle her finances.
We went and she had a glorious time. While we were there she celebrated her 83rd birthday. We were on a tour that day. I guess the tour guide had learned of it and when we had stopped at the Pineapple Farm, he had picked out one of the biggest Pineapples I have ever seen in my life. At the next stop, we saw the divers at the falls. It was thrilling, but coming back to get to the bus was a hassle. Neither of us could walk all that fast, and we knew the bus was on a schedule and if we didn't make it back, we would be left. Huffing and puffing we made it just before the bus was to leave. We were the last aboard. We had hardly found our seats when the whole bus burst into "Happy Birthday" and the tour guide presented Mother with that huge Pineapple. Well, we carried that darn thing around the rest of the day. Then we had to make arrangements to have it flown home with us. I was so tired of that darn thing by the time we left Hawaii I could have thrown it away, but it was Moms Birthday Pineapple. End of story, when she returned, she gave it to the cook at the Senior Center and it was cut up and served as a special treat after lunch. Everyone enjoyed Moms Birthday, and Hawaii with her. It was great.
I guess the end of this tale is the Ward had made arrangements to have family pictures taken. Mom was not going to get envolved with that. Her and Dad were not great on picture taking. Jay called her and told he we would pick her up, so get dolled up. We dropped by and took her to the place designated for the "shoot". It wasn't far from where she lived really. Jay and I had our picture taken, then Mom went it. She really looked great. They called and we went over to get the proofs. She picked out the one she liked best and we ordered the pictures. The date for pickup was the week after she passed away. That is the most valuable picture in the world to the family. Willetta, my sister-in-law got in touch with the photographer and had small copies made for every grandchild. I hope they still have their copies. The large picture she got for the setting hangs in the spare bedroom of our home here on Hogan Place. I call that room
"Moms Room". Jay thought that was a great way to remember her as well.
I will end with this one single thought. If you want to leave your family something they will cherish long after you have left to continue your work on the other side of the veil, have your picture taken regularly - you may not look your best, but it will be the way they remembered you, and it will be priceless. I can promise you that.
Written this 20th day 2009 - 40th Anniversary of the Astronauts landing on the Moon
by: Eileen Rosenberg