You know, I don't remember telling you about this before. If I have, forgive me.
John Charles Smith was born and his young years were spent being raised in England by his Grandmother Ellen Frost Horton Smith. I am sure she was a stickler for proper etiquet and such things. Some of what he had been taught must have stuck with him, because he was always reminding the three of us kids to have "manners". First of all, we were never to chew with our mouths open. We were never to smack our lips while eating either. When we were at the table we were to set still, and mind ourselves. I cannot remember our ever leaving the table for anything while it was a meal time. We went to the bathroom and washed our hands before we ever came to the table. Conversation was usually something that we could all participate in. We loved hearing about what Dad was doing or was planning.
The folks were great picnic takers. We would enjoy a day at the park, or beach and Mom would always have a picnic lunch for us. We never had bought food when we were out. On occasion on a ride, Dad would stop at a Market and he and Mom would get lunch meat and rolls usually for quick sandwiches. There would always be cookies and fruit of somekind. These were such special treats for us. I don't recall any of us fighting over things. Not that we were all that "good", it was just that we fought over attention more than anything else. Ronald being the middle child, and the "best looking" was always claiming that I was getting the better of everything because I was the "baby". I of course thought that Ronald was being favored because, "Mom liked him best". Now it seems frivolous, back then it was just being kids I guess.
What would Mom make for those special picnics? Well there was always meat loaf. It always made the best sandwiches. Then she would make potato salad and of course pickled eggs. A great favorite of the whole family. Now it was the potato salad that was to become a sore spot with Mom. You see Ronald always said he didn't like mayonnaise. That was tolerated for a long time as I remember, until one day while Ron was wolfing down a plate of Moms potato salad she asked Ron if he really didn't like mayonnaise. He told he he couldn't stand it. She just chuckled and told him he had an odd way of showing it - that potato salad you are eating is made with mayonnaise. He stopped eating, looked at the plate and said: "well it is O.K. in potato salad, but I don't like it, meaning the mayonnaise of course. The subject never came up again.
Mom made great baked beans too. We love eating them cold. Another favorite after we came to California was going out for breakfast early on the week-ends. Nothing like having bacon and eggs, with home fries in the open air. Of course there was always coffee on the stove then and it smelled so good in the out of doors. I was too young to drink it back then, and now, I don't, but still like the smell of it at a campsite.
Back to etiquet. I can't remember when Dad started taking us out for Dinner. I was at least 6 I believe. Ralph was 7 years older than me and Ron was 4 years older. When Dad would hear of a particularly fine resturant he would save up and make reservations for the family. On those particular nights Mom would have us all cleaned up with our "Sunday Best" on ready to go when Dad came home from work. He would clean up and dress and away we would go. Usually these special places were in Los Angeles, which ment we took the car. Each of us knew just how we were to act. We were to enter the place like civilized people. There was no running to the bathroom. We had been properly coached on getting that sort of thing over with before we left the house. As mentioned elsewhere, we had hats and gloves on. Oh, and a purse of course.
We would be seated and look over the menu. No hamburgers or hot dogs. We would order from the menu. Either Mom or Dad would help us, so we got what we would eat of course. What an adventure. I discovered such interesting things to eat. We went to French, Italian and Scandinavian resturants. I think our favorite was "Bit of Sweden". It was like the buffets you see today, only the food was different. Very luscious and beautifully displayed. We took our plate and was able to pick what ever we wanted, but we knew we were not to take more than we could eat. We learned very early not to waste food. I discovered Italian Ice Cream. It was one of Dads favorites. I like it as well, but not often, it is rich. On one of these outings I learned to love French Onion Soup.
On more than one occasion we followed a great meal with a visit to one of the Theaters in Los Angeles. We saw plays and ballets and musical threatre as well. Again we were not to run to the bathroom, or fidget in our seats. We were there to be educated, and that ment we needed to act like we had education, at least in how to act in public. I am so greatful for that part of my up bringing. My parents were envolved in what we were to become. We learned it wouldn't come by accident, but by being taught how to conduct ourselves in "public". I was one who knew how to throw a great tantrum at home, but believe me I knew better than do any such action while we were out as a family.
When the boys were teen agers Dad thought they should learn about other types of theatre. We had attended the Follies from France. So nudity was nothing new to any of us. We knew how to see it as an art form, and not make light of it. In fact, I thought the Follies was one of the most lovely shows we ever attended. Of course I was a ballet dancer myself, that may have colored my opinion somewhat, even at the age of 8. One Friday evening Mom and I went to a show in town and Dad took the boys to the Burlesque in Los Angeles. I don't think anyone then would have appreciated that, but it was Dads way of helping the boys learn what was class and what was not. When I was 13 he and Mom took me to the same Burlesque theatre and I was far from shocked. I was more interested in how they could do the things they did. Burlesque was not all that filled with talent, or at least not compared to the other things we had seen. The Vaudeville acts were the best. I loved the comics with their baggy pants and silly jokes. The costumes and most of the performers didn't appear to be all that clean, even from where I sat.
As shocking as this may sound, and I only give it here to show you just how great my parents cared about what we learned, and how we learned it. I will tell you how WE got OUR sex education. When the boys were of an age to know certain things, Dad took them aside and went through all the truth about "the birds and bees" as it were. Any questions were asked and answered with straight forward answers. Then Mother took them aside and explained about the girls part of life. If they needed to ask questions, they were allowed to do so at any time following these two sessions with their own parents. Yes, when I got old enough to know about or wonder about such things, Dad took me aside and explained to me, just as he had to the boys, and Mother took me aside and went through everything I needed to know. I don't think either the boys or I ever made light of anything sexual following those enlightening discussions. My brothers were always sensitive to their dates at all times, and I learned that boys will be boys, and girls need to set the standard for their relationships with them. I think some of the boys who would have liked to have dated me were ruled out long before I got to dating age because of their attitude and actions towards other girls. I guess it is true, the sooner you learn to make proper dicisions the better off you are. I don't believe I ever thanked my parents for that, but I do owe a great debt to them for being far ahead of their time.
Learning early in life how to act and how to conduct yourself in public is important, and a thing I believe most parents today neglect. I don't know the reason for that, but I believe they would do well to take a page from Mom and Dad in how to help children learn simple rules of conduct when leaving home and presenting oneself in public. Polite and well behaved children are an asset in any family, as well as to themselves.
My children were always taught "house rules". One very important one was, we don't jump on the beds. Obvious the reason. Beds are expensive and break down when they are abused. We didn't touch things we knew might break, or were not ours to handle. When we were asked to do something we did not argue, we did it, because if we waited, something might just occur that would be far more work than completing the task asked to be done. We didn't jump on the living room furniture either. It was for sitting on. Now when they would go to someone elses house, they could follow the "house rules" of where ever they were. None of the things were to be brought back home with them, if they would not fit into our "rules".
Friends were to bring the best out in us. If acquaintances did things that were not part of our life, they should not be concidered friends. They might lead us away from the things we had been taught and get us into trouble. Making good choices in friends was of paramount concideration in our home. I don't say this was always followed, but in the long run the truth of that teaching has been born out. Sometimes well down lifes path, when facts were born out the warning was a wise one.
My Dad told us when were old enough to go out on our own: "once you go through that door I know and you know that you have been taught right from wrong. If you decide to do something that varies from what you have been taught, and you get into trouble, don't expect your Mother or I to come and bale you out. You got yourself into the trouble, you best be able to get yourself out." We knew he ment it, and that was all it took. We were to stand on our own feet with the knowledge that had been planted well into our make up. I can't remember getting into anything outside the home that I needed my parents assistance with. When you are "taught correct principles, you know how to govern yourself". Joseph Smith, JR. said that way before my Dad
taught it to me, but the truth is there. You have to remember by Dad was not LDS.
I too had: "goodly parents" who taught me well, and gave me opportunities to develope good social skills that have served me well all the days of my life.
Written this 9th day of May 2009
Eileen Rosenberg
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