My Grand Father, Charlie Smith and my brother, Ralph Smith surely did. Both had very sensitive feelings. Grand Dad would cry in the movies more than Grand Mother did. Ralph, well he cried if he thought something was even close to being hurt. Neither of them were thought of less than manly. In fact Ralph jumped out of airplanes and was even qualified as a "glider jumper". That was where the Army lost their largest group of men during the landings on D-Day. Of course Ralph served in the South Pacific and not the European Theatre in WW II.
In the regular stream of things, a man crying seems to have taken on a sign of weakness, when in reality it is far from weakness. Over the years I have met and known a number of men who have no trouble showing their emotions on occasion, none of whom I would classify as weak.
It kind of reminds me of the Prophet Joseph Smith when he expressed the desire to shed his physical body so that his spirit could expand to the size it had developed into. Purhaps a man who has no trouble shedding tears has a very abundant spirit that just squeezes those tears out. Well, it was a thought. Who is to say? I remember a Bishop in Anaheim, Arie Dekker who found it impossible to shake hands with the men he worked with and loved. He always greeted them, much as did the Prophet, with a hug. That could seem to be unmanly as well. I can find no real substance for such thinking. In the Mission Field it was a good practice. In fact when we hit the flu season, it was hard not to hug one another. Love is always so abundant when serving the Lord, it just seems natural to want to convey feelings with a hug.
I am never embarassed by a man who finds his emotions, on occasion, full enough to shed tears. Some of the men I admire most have times when they need to swell to the point that tears flow. Mine flow right along with theirs in total sympathy for their feelings. Oh, it is not uncommon for men to cry at funerals, that is never concidered a weakness. Another reason I can't explain why it would seem less manly to cry when other deep feelings are stirred by everyday experiences.
I don't believe we are ment to supress true feelings. Every emotion is a natural reaction to something that touches us. We get angry when things aren't the way we like. We laugh when things are funny, in fact, we laugh when something happens that makes us nerous. A simple way of carrying off the embarassment we feel. Elation comes when we are excited about something and tears come when we are hurt or sad.
Not having been in some cituations, I haven't experienced what it must be like to have lifes plans altered because of problems. I know Paul has tried to express some of those feelings. He feels like a failure because he hasn't accomplished what the rest of the family has. Yet who is to say the examples he has set may well be the ones we need to help us try harder and be more successful where he was not able to succeed. Not that others in the family have not started down similar paths and been fortunate to have wiser heads to turn the tide and get things back into the proper stream. It is easy to find sympathy where sounder reasoning could be the wisest way to go.
In my own case, I will be forever greatful to a wise Dad who gave great counsel when I thought I knew what was best of me. He didn't try to diswade me from marrying the wrong guy. No, he just told me he hoped the marriage I was so set on would be as good as the one it was going to cost him when he gave his approval. What feather headed teen could argue with such sound wisdom. Happily for me, it was only a few short weeks until I learned the other half of my big dream was not as committed or willing to face hard circumstances. Or when I was not happy in the early stages of my real marriage, he just turned me around and pointed me in the direction I had come from and said: "things will work themselves out." I learned the key word in that counsel was "work". Funny how the simple things are what really mean the most to us.
Well, real men really do cry. Everyone hits low spots and would very easily give in or give up if there were not older and wiser heads around to help steer the fuzzy heads back to a clear path.
We don't need to look at that fella who sheds a tear or two on occasion as weird or weak, no we just have to look back to when something touched our heart or head to the point we teared up. Then is when we hopefully will re-evaluate others feelings and be less judgemental and just a bit more tolerant. Who knows - "there but for the grace of God go I". Anyone of us could tred in the same emotional path, and find it just as hard to keep balance. Sometimes not crying is the harder thing to do. Not letting someone know just how much their actions hurt or make us feel uncomfortable could be every bit as hard. I have had to pass through a number of those moments. I always found crying by myself was more painful. Sharing feelings can be far more worthwhile on all sides. I am greatful the Lord gave us tears. Even more greatful they can mean more than sadness. They can show happiness, sincere feelings and love, yes love. Understanding is important. No, I am never embarassed when I witness a man crying, I find it refreshing to know how deeply feelings go and that there is no problem with letting others know it as well.
My Grand Father was not a big man. He spoke with a clipped English accent and was one of the dearest men I have ever known, and yes, he cried.
Written this 20th day of January 2010
by: Eileen Rosenberg
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