My Journey

Now, I know some of this will be repeats, but to make the whole complete I don't see any other way to do this. So here we go! Some of you may not know that I gather "thoughts". When I find one that strikes my fancy, I write it down. Yesterday while doing some sorting of "ancient junk" I found a great one. I believe it is from a talk of Jeffrey R. Holland, at least it was part of a talk I
had made notes on. It fits the idea I am going with: "No part of our mortal body gets better with age". All of us over 50 can attest to that! Something else from that page is: "Senior Couples lengthen your shuffle". Well I am well over 50 and try as I might, my lengthening is getting a bit shorter as the days pass by. No complaints, I think I have had plenty of lengthening over the past 80 years to make up for any shortness in my stride today.
John McKay left this tid bit: "I'm a big believer in the 'Mirror Test' - All that matters is if you can look in the mirror and honestly tell the person staring back at you that you've done your best." What more can we ask of ourselves? Oh, I will admit there are some days that have been much better than others, but then we can all do that! I believe it is the overall job we do that is the measure of our success. No one thing will stand out as a make or break item.
Looking back I recall being told I almost wasn't an "it". My Mother was in ill health and though she an Dad wanted another child, it really wasn't the best idea at the time. Of course nature does figure into such things, and the start of a new life began. Some time after the 2nd month of this pregnancy Mother began having problems and by the 3rd month it was pretty certain that the preganacy would not go full term. Dr. McComma was called. He checked Mother over and suggested the best thing would be to assist the miscarriage with some medication. Mother was bed bound, so following the orders presented no problems, even with two growing boys in the house. All the tablets left were taken as prescribed and Mothers health improved.
When the 6 month time came around and Dr. McComma hadn't heard back, he stopped by to see for himself how things were going. There was Mother 6 Months pregnant. He was amazed.
I am not sure just how amazed, I believe he knew that anything that would kill one of his other patients would most certainly cure Mother. She had that kind of physical make up. At the end of the 9 months Grandma Hall had come to assist the family after the baby came and of course assist the Dr. with delivery as she was a Midwife. Fortunate for the family because during a night of heavy blizzard, Dad had to go for the Dr. No phones back in those days in most of the homes. In fact, I don't even know if the Dr. had one. The snow was blowing and stacking up in drifts 4 to 6 feet high before they showed up. By then Grandma Hall had delivered the baby and was taking care of Mother. Ta Da! I was born. A 7 pound 7 ounce little "sqwah". Jet black hair with brown eyes so dark you couldn't tell the pupil from the iris. Skin coloring, well it wasn't light. I had olive colored skin until I lost the pigmentation about 4 years ago. Man could I take a tan! Of course that was the reason I lost the pigmentation - too much sun. Readers beware! Oh, and a few skin cancers thrown in as well.
That round faced little girl didn't look much like the rest of the Smith clan, but she was surely welcome. Well all but Ron who wanted to send me back. I think he changed his mind some where along the line. He and I are the only ones left at this writting. Ralph was born in 1921 and Ron in 1924. So I was really the "little sister". My earliest recollections are of wanting to "tag along" I don't remember Ralph making a fuss, but I was sure a thorn in Ron's side. Ralph looked like Dad's side of the family and Ron never has been able to pin his looks down to anyone, really!
I held out for a long time, but it is obvious now that I look exactly like Mother. When we found a picture of Dad's birth mother it was decided that Ron looked like Eliza Bunn. Guess that means we kind of "spread the wealth" around when it comes to ancestors.
I never was the smartest kid on the block. I didn't have a great GPA. Never really "hankered" to attend College either. I believe now I had a learning disorder. Those things were never even thought of back when I was growing up, but things that seem to be caught early on in children these days. Not that it might have made that much difference. Maybe I would not have learned some of the things I did if I hadn't have had to struggle. Life deals us the trials we seem to need to get ahead of ourselves. If we tackle them right that is. I am greatful I had teachers who worked with me and helped me love reading. To the bookkeeping teacher who made handwritting important to me and example that Willetta made in my life. We don't pass this way without the influence of a great many people who touch our lives as we make your way through it.
You know even the hard knocks have caused enough changes to round out the total. I might have been a great deal different without each and everyone. I am greatful for the past few years that have given me new opportunities to investigte who I am and how the path I have traveled has been the making of who I am today. Discovering the Gospel for instance. You know I went to school with LDS kids, who never once thought to ask me to go to Church with them. Other friends from other Churches did. Once in High School Evelyn Botts came to me and said: "you know, I have just found something I think would interest you." She went on to join the Church, but never went beyond that first statement. When I met Jay, I had no idea he was LDS. He did not go to Church, nor did he ever ask me to go with him. Somehow the Lord seemed to guide me
ever so slowly and carefully. Giving me the time I needed to discover for myself. It was Jay's Aunt Jo who insisted we get married in the Church. Even then I had no idea what that ment. I just knew I wasn't attached to any Church and thought a Church wedding would be better than going to a Justice of the Peace of Judge to do the ceremony. (Thank you Aunt Jo).
Even after we were married, going to Church was not something we did. Jay had no interest, and I didn't have a clue as to where to go. When the time was right, and I was "ready", the Full Time Missionaries knocked on the door when I wasn't home. Jay took their invitation to talk to me, I have no idea why, with the way he felt. What ever, I met with the Missionaries as they had scheduled, and as the saying goes: "the rest is history". I have long wondered if Jay had been active would I have been as steady? Would I have found a way to go, on my own like I had to and put the Church together in my life the way I did? The path was far from smooth. When the Lord says he gives us precept upon precept, I understand how that works. First I learned about the Church. Then I learned how to serve. Then I learned how to gain a testimony. Next I tried myself to prove I needed to have a Temple Marriage. Each step took time, and each one moved me closer and closer to the goal the Lord has for each of us. As a convert, I took one step at a time until I trusted the path ahead of me, and took the leap of faith to the next step. No real support system, just my own questions and desires to have the answers. I never heard General Conference. In fact I am not sure I really knew they had such a thing for years. Once I attended one, I was fascinated to learn and study more.
Starting with the Sunbeams was a miracle. Those little kids were so cute, and fun. I wasn't challenged by them, I could plan the lesson with the activities and just enjoy the experience. When I had been grounded, I was given a challenge that surely changed my entire life. The Blazers. Those boys were a handful. I had the sturdy personality that would take their guff and we became friends and had a grand time learning together. I remember teaching a Mutual Class in Sunday School when they laughed at the way I pronounced the names from the Book of Mormon. I knew the material, I just wasn't very good with the names. I learned. Great way to put one foot in front of the other.
I helped put together Road Shows and Girls Camps. I struggled with so many things that come easy after 50 years, but each new thing took time and patience on my part. Why is it we think things should be easy. Well, they are really, it just takes us time to learn enough to find the way.
I remember one CES meeting before I moved up here to San Luis Obispo. Elder Packer told us we needed to "follow the brethern". Then in my sorting yesterday I ran across this thought from Russell M. Ballard "are we listening to the prophets? Are we hearing? If you follow the prophets you will not go astray." What great advise. How greatful I am today to know the prophets and to be willing to follow their council. Another great thought from Neal A Maxwell:
"Let us not resent the Lord's tutoring experiences. These are the dues for full discipleship".
So the bumps and bruises for spiritual learning are what we pay for our "full membeship" in the Kingdom of our Father. Another one from Carol Thomas: "Sacrifice, without it no true worship is given." We might well ask what sacrifice? Our time, our talents our willingness to do what is required. I am not sure just how many hours I spent in preparing for any given lesson I have taught. I do remember however of spending 40 hours one month preparing for a 40 minute lesson on the teachings of Jesus Christ in Relief Society. I don't know how much the Sisters learned that day, but I will never forget the things I learned, nor the additional strength to my testimony that was added by that experience.
There are not a few who have set at my feet in Seminary and Institute Classes and spent valuable time from their lives listening to me teach. It is never far from my mind what effect any of that has had on even one. I have been blessed to hear from some who report they have been blessed by something they learned from me. Those witnesses have humbled me greatly. To know I have done something to help another is most gratifying. What is even more humbling is to know that a number of those students who have spent time with me have gone on to become Seminary and Institute Teachers as well. Like the rock that is tossed into water makes rings across the surface, our touching the lives of others leaves waves. I once read a teacher will never know the extent of their teaching until the eternities. The thought I may have been an influence for furthering the work here on earth is almost hard to fathom.
The thought of family influence of course enters into this equation as well. Children and Grand Children and now Great Grand Children. The further we get away from the center the more I wonder can we really influence those more distant to us? Hopefully we do in all the right ways. First that they know how much they are loved. How interested I am in all they do. How hopeful I am for the success in life and in their happiness. Doing Genealogy has made me aware of how great the connection is between us and those who have passed this way before us. As LDS we are interested in the Pioneers and take great pride in being descended from those who were willing to pay such a price for what we have both in this country and in the Church. Their testimonies may not be as crisp in our minds, but they are certainly clear as to their content. No one could have endured or accomplished so much who were not sure in their Faith and diligent in the dedication to the things they have lived for in such trying times. An unknown writter has left us this: "Prayer - don't give God instructions, just report for duty." The pioneers did that.
Another writes: "the task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us". I believe the Gospel has been "the wind beneath MY wings." I have been years finding my way without the support of a mate in the Gospel. I was hopeful in helping my mate find strength to fill a Mission and accept a call to become an Ordinance Worker in the Temple. I have been comforted as my mate slipped away leaving me to "carry on" alone. Sad? No! I am greatful for every opportunity that has been mine to become "all that I can be" and hopefully extend that same ability to the one person that made my life so wonderful. I can testify that the last speach that Patrick spoke in the Movie Ghost is true: "Molly - the love continues". I know this is true. We
may change places, but the Love Goes On. I've never seen the Savior, but I know HE loves me, and HE lives. I haven't been to Heaven, but I know it is there. I've worked and never missed a payday. My needs have and are met. That is not to say I have everything I want, but I have had everything that I need. In fact most of the time I have had more than I really needed, like clothes, etc. I can only wear one thing at a time, and eat one thing at a time. My needs are simple. It is my desires that are not always in proper focus.
None of us know the amount of hours, days, weeks, months or even years alotted to us. This does not matter because we can only live one day at a time anyway. It is not how we die, but how we have lived that will make the difference. Someone has wisely said: "the Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you." Another has said: "Don't put a question mark where God put a period." Simply put: "Thy will be done". Or this: "if God is Your Co-Pilot swap seats."
I guess we are all pretty much alike. We wake up everyday not expecting much, handling what comes our way, and ending the day with a greatful heart we were able to "endure to the end". Every day is a challenge, dressed in a different dress. Some are more attractive than others, but each has come with it's own chance to achieve and succeed. It is said: "people are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road and the back of the Church." While: "some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set." We should remain plyable and fresh. We never know when the Lord will need a willing and caring soul to carry on the work needed to be done today. Besides: "drive carefully - it is not only cars that are recalled by their maker". Or: "even if you are on the right track, you will get runover if you just set there". I guess a great conclusion to this journey would be: "a truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a DETOUR".
Well life could and may at times be bypassed on a detour. It will be our attitude as we approach it that will make the difference of how we are at the end of it. Some, may take us a piece out of our way, but hold opportunities we could not have thought of. Some will make us realize how lucky we were saved from some danger, while others may set us on to the correct track that might have been missed altogether. It isn't where we are headed that will make the big difference, rather it is where we end that will tell the tale. Believe: "faith doesn't get you around trouble. It gets you through it!" May YOUR lifes journey, as mine has me, take you where your heart will be full of love and your future full of hope fulfilled. I know that my Redeemer Lives. I know that He is watching over me in my twilight hours and will continue to guide me as I follow the path He has laid out before me. To these things I bear my witness in the worthy name of Jesus Christ - Amen

Written this 5th day of January 2010
by: Eileen Rosenberg